What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 11:04
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Why is blood sugar ranging from 70-180 in a day and checked through a glucometer?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
What is after school detention like in your school?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Why is my ex trying to provoke an argument with me?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My ex got into a relationship within 2 weeks after a breakup. What should I do?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
How did my ex move on very fast?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
How come Jesus died on Friday and rose on Sunday? That's not 3 days and three nights.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He knew the spot.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Why would an older small breed dog become obsessive about hygiene?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
What would it take for you to consider yourself a "Swiftie" like Flavor Flav?
I write beautiful poetry .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
What is your secret to glowing skin?
He resisted the act ,that day.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Why do men love boobs (irrespective of big or small)?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Why is Canada letting too many Indians in Canada?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
We were not on the streets..
Why are white women so overly emotional?
One cannot live in the past .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
We all went to grammer schools
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
All the time i was locked up.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Ive learnt so much.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was very sick at this time too.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She loved him until the end.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
So whats the point in blame.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
So, i spoilt her more .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was seconnd youngest,
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Would this be the day?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was scared of men, in general
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
What did i know ?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I don,t even have a pension.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
This is soul school!.
And i lived it daily.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I couldn’t, believe it.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She wouldn,t have been !
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
My life is so biszare .
But it wasn’t much.
I will be 64.
I waited trembling.
But ive been too sick for many years..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Comes on , in middle age.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As i do to all so called friends.?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I have no regrets .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She found it foreign!.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But, we were locked up after school.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She was in good health!
(And it was in our own minds.)
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Im still living with it.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
It was going to be , some day.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My family never makes their pension either.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I think the readers, may guess!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I was 9 years of age.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
When she asked me how she looked .
I said to her
She married twice! .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Who then, do I blame.?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Put me off passion for life!!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Especially a lifetime of it.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.